Why I’m Hesitant To Have Another Kid
Or: Why I Won’t Be Buying A Minivan Anytime Soon
I totally get it – choosing to have (or not to have) kids is an extremely personal decision. Everyone has different circumstances and beliefs that influence this choice. Having my son has been eye-opening (in a good way!) and I do not regret become a parent. But whenever someone asks me the inevitable, “So, are you ready to have another one?”, I can’t help but feel… hesitant.
To be clear, I am not criticizing anyone who has more than one kid. If you have the means and support, I applaud you! I just don’t know if it’s for me.
First, there’s the financial and lifestyle aspect. I’m not going to divulge details of our personal finances, but keep in mind that we live in Hong Kong, it’s expensive here, and I’m not sure when we’re returning to the US. In terms of lifestyle, my husband and I love to travel. We’re happy bringing our +1 along for the ride, but if it turns to +2, it’ll make a difference for us.
Disclaimer: Before I get deep into this, I do want to say that I am Roman Catholic, and if I am blessed with another child in the future, all of this will go out the window and I will accept the child without hesitation. Abortion is not an option for me.
I worry. A lot. About everything.
I know – every parent worries. But as a mom, I feel like the worrying starts at conception and will never end! From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I worried about miscarrying in the first trimester. Then there are all those pre-natal tests they make you do that add on to the worrying – will my baby have a genetic disorder? Is my baby developing the way it should?
Once the baby is born, more worrying! Is my baby getting enough nutrition? Meeting all the milestones? He’s 8 months and doesn’t have any teeth yet! Does his poop match the color spectrum of poop like it should? What if I accidentally drop him? Once he turns 2, should I be enrolling him into pre-pre-pre-kindergarten?
This will go on and on. Now imagine feeling this way for TWO little people. Oy.
College Tuition
Sure, my son won’t be at the collegiate level until the year 2035, but have you seen the projections of college tuition prices in the 2030s? You will lose it. I saw a chart predicting that the total cost of a 4-year PUBLIC college could be a little over $200,000 USD. 4-year private college? $455,000 USD. When I attended NYU (in the Cretaceous Period, mind you) my total cost was around $160,000 USD, and of course the student body was already complaining about those prices.
To loosely quote a friend of mine, “I should’ve opened a 529 plan for my unborn child 5 years ago.”
The Environment
Believe it or not, this is one of the biggest factors as to why I’m hesitant about having kid #2.
I care about the environment. I’m conscious about the waste I’m generating, and I know that my love of air travel increases my carbon footprint. And I’ve added one more person who will generate waste, too.
I believe climate change is real. I read the news articles that say if we don’t make a change right away, things will be catastrophic – we’ll run out of food; places will be uninhabitable. I’ve watched episodes of Nat Geo’s “Years Of Living Dangerously”, where I learned the sad truth that the people who are contributing the least towards climate change are the ones who are affected the most.
That being said, do I want to bring another person into the world, knowing they would have to deal with this stress? Being prepared enough to find a job and be self-sufficient is one thing, but to have to fend for food and shelter? I don’t wish that stress on anyone.
Dedicating My Personal Resources
I’ve always preferred having a smaller family over a larger one. Raising a kid is no joke, and I told myself that once I do bring a kid into this world, I want to fully dedicate myself to him/her. Now, this doesn’t mean I want to be a helicopter parent – I will allow my kid to fail and I am not going to entertain participation awards or encourage mediocrity.
However, every kid deserves attention, and I’m unsure I can reach my parenting goal of raising a functioning, well-adjusted, and compassionate human being if I am constantly being pulled in different directions.
Like everyone else, I strive to live a comfortable life and I want my child to have a nice life as well. However, with the current political situation in the US and the way government and corporations are making changes that will negatively affect the future, I am simply unsure if my child will get to live a better life than me.
Will I change my mind if progressive policies end up winning? I guess only time will tell. Would this explanation have been better if we chatted about it over drinks instead of you reading my long form essay? Totally. Thanks for making it this far! 🙂