Covid Contemplations: Accepting The Pause
With spring in full swing, it’s difficult to relate to the themes of renewal and new beginnings because of the pandemic.
Planned events, set goals, and many aspects of life in general are paused indefinitely. Pre-pandemic, my 2020 checklist looked like this:
- Start a new job (read: just move on already)
- Have Xavier successfully complete his first year of pre-k
- Settle down and find stability
It’s a struggle for me to process this pause on my career prospects and parts of my personal life. It’s even more challenging to give myself grace for not reaching these goals within this year.
There’s this invisible pressure that continues to nag me. In theory, with “all this time at home”, distractions should be non-existent. I should ramp up efforts to reach these goals so I can prove to everyone that I was “productive”.
Turns out I’m not alone. According to a New York Times article titled “Stop Trying to Be Productive“, the pressure to be productive and optimize every minute is especially common in millennials. Also… didn’t I learn not to over-optimize everything from the last decade? Guess I need a refresher on my own reflections.
A third of the way into 2020, I’m revisiting my chosen theme for this year – being unapologetic. With the pandemic in play, this translates to:
- Not worrying about the widening gap between jobs in my resume. I am not the only person experiencing unemployment right now. If a hiring manager finds it questionable, it’s a clear signal for me to leave.
- Choosing to exclusively be a parent to Xavier. I’ve walked away from the idea that I need to step up and be his schoolteacher. My priority as a parent is to give him emotional support and keep him healthy. School will be important again once he can safely receive instruction from a professional educator.
- Accepting that 2020 may not be as stable as I want it to be. Forgive and forget 2019, but be patient with 2020: she’s just trying to survive and figure it out right now.
To me, any attempt I make towards these goals is like planting a seed. They may not sprout and bloom tomorrow, but there is hope that with a little bit of nurturing and the right conditions, they will grow and flourish. ✌🏽